Life is Traumatic
Complex PTSD: What It Is and How It Shows Up in Everyday Life
Many of the men I work with don’t realize they’re living with complex PTSD. Tim Fletcher reports that about 97% of people struggling with addictions also live with Complex Trauma (C-PTSD)—a figure he notes aligns with Dr. Gabor Maté’s clinical observations. They may know they’re anxious, disconnected, or reactive—but often don’t have a name for why. And when they hear “PTSD,” they think of combat veterans or first responders. Not men like them. Not men who’ve just been “getting through life.”
What C-PTSD Actually Is
C-PTSD isn’t about a single catastrophic event. It’s chronic, relational wounding—especially in the developmental years. That might look like growing up where love was conditional; being taught your body, thoughts, or feelings were sinful; being praised for perfection but punished for emotional honesty; or having physical needs met while emotional needs were ignored.
C-PTSD is real, and it affects far more people than we think. If you’ve ever wondered why you react the way you do—or why your inner world feels fragmented—this is for you.
Common Features of C-PTSD
- Emotions feel hard to regulate, often leaking out as anger.
- Persistent worthlessness or shame (often misidentified as “guilt”).
- Dissociation or emotional numbness.
- Distrust and attachment struggles in relationships.
- A harsh inner critic that echoes past authority figures.
How It Shows Up in Everyday Life
- Freezing when a voice is raised—even if it’s not directed at you.
- Obsessing over small mistakes for days.
- Shutting down emotionally with your partner.
- Avoiding conflict at all costs, even if it betrays your needs.
- Feeling “too much” and “not enough” at the same time.
- Numbing through porn, workaholism, or substances—not to feel good, but to feel less.
These aren’t character flaws; they’re survival strategies. Your nervous system adapted by over-functioning, fawning, or disappearing.
Why So Many Men Miss the Signs
Many men were socialized to downplay emotion or were only “allowed” the big three—sad, mad, glad. Layer in religious shame (“deny yourself,” “don’t trust your feelings,” “just pray harder”) and you get deep internal fragmentation. The result? Men who don’t know how to name needs, and who cope by muscling through rather than healing.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing isn’t erasing the past; it’s building safety in the present. In therapy, we work to:
- Recognize triggers without shame.
- Soothe the nervous system with somatic skills and mindfulness.
- Set and keep boundaries—even when it feels terrifying.
- Rebuild a healthy relationship with anger, sadness, and desire.
- Replace the inner critic with a compassionate inner voice.
It’s tough work—and it’s absolutely possible.
You’re Not Broken—You Adapted
One freeing truth about C-PTSD: the traits you fear are “broken” often began as brilliance. You developed strategies to survive emotionally unsafe environments. That’s not weakness—it’s resilience. Those strategies may no longer serve you, but they were born from strength. With support, you can learn new ways of being that don’t cost you connection, peace, or joy.
Conclusion
C-PTSD is often invisible, but its effects are life-altering. By naming it, we take back power. By exploring it, we begin to heal.
Related Reading: The Role of Therapy in Faith Transition | The Benefits of Confronting Spiritual Bypassing
If this resonates and you’re ready to build safety from the inside out, schedule a session.